Since ages, many social evils and cruel traditions have been associated in our society with widows and other single women which makes them feel that they are different from other women. Along with this, the traditions and customs make them feel that they have no identity without a man. These social evils and traditions rob them of their happiness and self-confidence, and marginalize single women in various ways. The Organisation is working with the single women to break the cruel customs and end the social evils, and to oppose patriarchal thinking about women in general!
Since the Organization of Strong Women Alone began in 1999, some of the Cruel Traditions have faded from society, particularly amongst younger single women.
Shaving off the hair of the head is now unheard of! Wearing, and “not wearing” attractive, colourful clothing and jewellery, not applying mahendi / henna on the hands, not wearing a “bindi” (dot) on the forehead, not eating tasty food – only bland food - all these kinds of things are much much less now than they were before. Over the years, the Organization of Strong Women Alone has encouraged, “stood with” single women, to break cruel traditions and social evils, encouraged and stood with them as they participated in society with self-confidence and dignity.
What remains to some extent, are some customs around marriage ceremonies, and other cultural caste and community events, where single women are thought to be “inauspicious” and therefore excluded. The widow or other single woman would attend marriages, usually, but not participate in ceremonies that would normally be for the Mother of the Bride or Groom, and sometimes not even allowed to participate in some functions as a guest at the wedding. “Inauspicious!” “What will people say?” “It’s just not done!”
However, what remains is still a pillar of patriarchal or traditional thinking, and that is that a woman without a man is “un-natural”, and single women will surely be constantly “on the look-out” for “a good man”, and to draw a man, or men, to her, for …….sexual activities, enjoyment. These thoughts are not usually spoken out loud, but they are behind the doubting-of-the-character of single women, or the disdainful and doubting looks and remarks that people make in the presence of single women. And natal or marital family members, with whom single women may be living, want to protect her from moving freely in public, alone, because of this way of thinking – “she can spoil our family’s caste/community/social reputation!” “What will people think?” “a single woman is dangerous!” And so, an emphasis on keeping single women sheltered in the home, disapproving if she goes out alone, these cruel customs still exist.
These customs also need to disappear from Indian society! For most single women are not “constantly ‘on-the-make’ for a man”. Contrary to many who think that “remarriage” is the “safest” or “most desired” route for her – most single women do not want to remarry! If she had a good husband, one good husband in a lifetime is enough; if she had a bad husband, she doesn’t want to try again – she has had experience of that!! Even now, the thought that men and women can be “friends with no sexual overtones” is a radical idea!
There is still more work to be done.
